Just need to get this out right now..
Ive been doing so well lately. Not even thinking about ttc, and being completly ok with it. Even starting to think the idea of it being just dh and I, and our kitty and puppy, is ok. I must be crazy...I went from being desperate to be pregnant, and desperate to have a baby, to being....content. I think having as many losses as we have will do that to you. It kind of makes you numb, like we want a baby so bad, but we know its so far out of our reach that we cant dwell on it because it consumes us. Who am I kidding, im still desperate to be pregnant and desperate to have a healthy baby. I have been content and I praise God for helping me with that, and im thankful that lately ive gone through the days just enjoying my time with my wonderful hubby and our furbabies, just enjoying our life and living it to the fullest. But then.....then I have days like today....days when I walk through stores and see nothing but pregnant women, days when a family member is enjoying there baby shower, and recieving all the precious itty bitty things for there itty bitty miracle, and being surrounded by family and friends all excited and anxious to meet the little bundle. Every once in a while I have these days..that no matter how content ive felt and how much I havent thought about ttc, I get this kick in the stomach, and ache in my heart and my longing and sadness creeps back in. Some people say that they want to wait to have kids until the right time..but what is the right time? If you wait until the "right" time to have kids then you may wait forever. Right now im content and I know that God will bless us someday soon with our miracle, in HIS time, which is the right time, but I pray its someday soon because I know that the agony I feel every now and then will creep back into my heart again soon and I long for the day that we dont have to feel this way anymore, the day that we will be able to think back on all this and then tune it out because our little one is right there in our arms and we can kiss his or her sweet cheeks and Praise God for bringing us through.
Today im missing my babies, and Praying for our Miracle to come soon :-(
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3 comments:
Erika you are so amazing and strong. I am sorry you had a rough day, but am so happy that you have been feeling content as frequently as you have. I pray for you to get your healthy miracle baby every day because you are so deserving and amazing, I am so thankful to know someone like you. <3
Erika, I hope you get your miracles soon as well. I was talking to one of my cousin in laws last week. She had 7 miscarriages before having 2 healthy pregnancies. I know how little other stories help with you yourself are struggling, but hopefully this can help a little.
HUGS! You are such an amazing and faithful woman! I seriously admire you! You know I'm continually praying for your miracle baby, because you guys more than deserved to be blessed with a healthy earth angel :) You'll be amazing parents!
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