Update

Thought id bring this blog up to date. We still are not ttc since loosing Kaylee in December 2009. Havent had any interest in ttc and have been content with that. We are at a crossroads right now in our journey to our miracle, unsure what road to take and where to go next, and I dont feel like we can move ahead without Gods direction...let me rephrase that, I WONT move ahead without Gods direction, because I cant do this blindly and I wont take this into my own hands. God knows what is next for us as we continue to long for our baby, and he knows what is in store and im waiting for him to show us what he would have us do, according to his plan, because I know that no matter what happens next, its whats best, and he will see us through.

On a side note, we thought I might be pregnant this cycle. Again, to be clear, we have NOT been ttc, but we thought we might have gotten pregnant with a surprise baby this cycle. AF showed today so apparently that wasnt the case and I surprisingly found myself disappointed. I do however realize that it was ridiculous for me to be disappointed being that we werent ttc, but it would have been really nice to be pg with a surprise, without all the stress and worry that comes with ttc. This being said, the fact that I did get disappointed with not being pregnant this cycle doesnt mean maybe im ready to start ttc again...enless God shows me that we are meant to ttc, we wont, because while the thought of being pregnant thrills me, the thought of possibly loosing another baby is just not something I can bare. So we will continue on, Praying for wisdom and guidance along the way, and ill continue to be content. Im using this all as a learning and growing process. I feel like this journey is bringing me closer to God and he is using this journey to teach me patience and trust. I am not mad at God for all we have been through, never had been, because I know he isnt causing this, its because of the sin of this world that we must face these trials and tribulations, and instead of turning my back on God and giving up on him, I lean on him because that is what he wants me to do, he wants me to trust him, and to lean on him. He gives me the strength I need. He never said this life would be easy, but he did say he would see us through, and I praise God for helping me through each day.

I will say this though..I miss the friends I have made while ttc. Everyone has moved on and had a baby (or two or three....) and while I know having kids is busy, I miss not only my friends, but my support system. While those who have had there baby might not need a support system anymore, I still do, and im sad that ive been kind of left behind, and left alone. Im beyond happy for all those who are pg or have already had there children, it makes me so happy that my friends can experience this dream we have all dreamed of for so long. You are all so wonderful and your children are beautiful and I just want to thank you for being my friend and tell you that I miss you all.