Just getting out some things on my mind...

I cant believe its the New Year already...part of me is optimistic about the new year and part of me is sad about it. Starting the new year marks our two year "anniversary" of ttc and just reminds me that we have lost 6 babies in the last 2 years and still arent pg with a healthy baby. I am so thankful for everything God does for me and dh in our life, but I cant help selfishly wanting a baby so badly. We have watched EVERYONE around us having babies, and now we are watching everyone around us having second babies, and here we stand...still...in the same place we were two years ago...only difference between now and then is that we have endured the pain and heartache of 6 devistating losses and are in a deeper, sadder place than we were when we started this ttc journey. I Praise God for the strong relationship/marriage he has given Matthew and I and that through all of this, we have not had any strain on our marriage. We are still 100% in love and enjoying life together...but we want so badly to add children in our family and in our home. We feel a sense of emptyness without it. We would be more than happy with one baby, one child to have as our own. All we can do is hope and pray that 2009 will bring us our Miracle Baby that we have tried and waited so long for, whether he/she is concieved naturally, we have a financial opportunity to do IVF w/ PGD or we have an opportunity arise for us to adopt. As hard and tiring and frustrating as it is to keep going, we have to...and we have to have faith that one day soon God will answer our prayers and bless us with a healthy child in some way.